Episode Transcript
[00:00:03] Speaker A: Welcome to brain junk. I'm Trace Kerr.
[00:00:05] Speaker B: And I'm Amy Barton. And today we're going to be talking about porridge.
[00:00:12] Speaker A: Porridge.
[00:00:13] Speaker B: Porridge. You didn't say it with as much warmth as I did. Let's try it again. Porridge. It's going to be nice. Yeah.
So if you're in the US, that's oatmeal.
When we went to London a few years ago and we were looking like, let's just get oatmeal for breakfast and blah, blah. And we're looking and you can't find oatmeal because it's called porridge. And it's not the old fashioned oats. It is.
It is much of. Much more of a. At least the ones we found. And we looked a little. It's the smaller oats that cook up this. So the quick cooking oats. And it is a different texture. It is. I'm not going to describe it in unflattering terms, but I enjoy old fashioned oats more.
[00:00:59] Speaker A: Okay. So Chaz likes himself the giant flattened, you know, very organic, and he cooks it very dry. I will take the oats and sometimes microwave them, sometimes on the stove, and I get them rather damp. I like some extra milk in there. And he thinks that's terrible. So is the english porridge more of a wetland oatmeal?
[00:01:27] Speaker B: Yeah. The way. Well, we were just buying microwave containers of the british version of Quaker oats.
[00:01:33] Speaker A: Okay. Okay.
[00:01:35] Speaker B: It was a wet, thick consistency, unless you added more water.
[00:01:42] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:01:42] Speaker B: But it definitely got wallpaper pasty. Yeah. Thank you. That's a good analogy. Which I like my oatmeal kind of like that, actually. But I like the. The. I like it to be.
To have them softened up and to have it kind of thicken.
[00:01:59] Speaker A: Okay. Okay.
[00:01:59] Speaker B: So now you know how we feel about oatmeal, everyone.
[00:02:02] Speaker A: Yeah. But also, it's gotta have, like, I throw pecans in there. I throw cranberries in there.
[00:02:07] Speaker B: It is a vehicle for things. Yeah.
[00:02:09] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. It's simply something to hold cinnamon so I can put it in my mouth.
[00:02:14] Speaker B: Yes. I follow this gal on instagram, and she talks about overnight oats sometimes and what she does. And she has one that she does with lemon curd on top. She'll do cookie butter. And she's got a lot of other things that are nutrient rich in there. And then that's like your spike of flavor. But somebody commented on her feed that they'd gone into Trader Joe's to look for lemon curd the week she posted and couldn't find it. And she asked, and they're like, we're out because some lady on the Internet is talking about oatmeal.
[00:02:43] Speaker A: Oh, my gosh.
We need that kind of pull. That's insane.
[00:02:47] Speaker B: I know. Yeah. So oatmeal has a big hold on some of us Americans in the US, but it has a much deeper roots in Scotland. The Scots have been drinking oat milk for centuries, by the way. Oh, it's not a fad over there. It's a way of life.
And the thing we're getting to about porridge, by the way, we're not just talking about oatmeal today.
We are talking to, about the golden spurtle world porridge championship.
[00:03:20] Speaker A: There's a porridge championship, but we have.
[00:03:23] Speaker B: To lay some groundwork before we can get there. And we're gonna start 2000 years ago with the Romans.
[00:03:28] Speaker A: Wow. Oh, this is gonna be a long episode. Buckle up, folks.
[00:03:32] Speaker B: Yeah.
Yeah. Get your warm cup of tea, maybe start yourself some oats. You could do the stovetop kind. And by the time I'm done talking, you're probably ready. Have you ever toasted your oats and butter and then cooked them?
[00:03:45] Speaker A: No.
[00:03:45] Speaker B: Cause I'm lazy. Oh, my goodness. When you have, like, a weekend and you got time to burn or, like, for an afternoon snack, not in the morning. Who does this in the morning?
Do this at like two in the afternoon when you need a little snack, toast them up in butter first and then make your oatmeal.
But this is not what the Romans were doing. I don't think. I don't know. They imported oats with them when they went to Scotland in the first century cede. And they unintentionally ceded this national legacy because it turns out that, I'm guessing it was for horse feed. Yeah, horses. If I read my notes, it would just say it was for their horses.
So the horse oats thrived in Scotland is just this fluke that it's the perfect growing conditions. They've got long daylight hours, plenty of rain and acidic soil. And so this lucky good fortune for them that this hardy grain thrives there.
[00:04:40] Speaker A: Huh?
[00:04:41] Speaker B: So 2000 years of oats in Scotland, and they. One of the things is the tradition in Scotland is that they're cooked in one giant pot for the family. This is like the old school. And you had a big giant pot of oats that you simmered all day. And so they would each, each bite you dip in a separate bowl with milk or cream. So that sounds more like your version. And then this is what I thought was interesting, the leftover oats in the morning's batch would be poured out into a lined drawer to let them cool, and then they'd slice it into slabs for dinner to go with whatever you were having with dinner.
[00:05:18] Speaker A: Oh, it's like poor man's polenta.
[00:05:21] Speaker B: Yes. That's exactly what I wanted. I'm like, I'm tempted just to try it and see what that's like, because I believe their version of oats is just water and oats, and it's not a lot. It's not fancy. Cause this is, you know, your everyday staple, breakfast in good time.
[00:05:36] Speaker A: But then, like, maybe a little salt, but it would be this congealed cold.
[00:05:43] Speaker B: Like, you could literally cut it and eat it in a block.
Yeah. And I just glanced in my notes, and they do eat it with salt.
[00:05:51] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:05:51] Speaker B: So I can live with that.
[00:05:53] Speaker A: Huh.
[00:05:54] Speaker B: So this is what the Scots were doing with oats in modern times. They haven't quite. You're not. Mom's not simmering them on the back of the stove. She's headed into the office.
But oats are still a big deal in Scotland. They are still definitely a historical thing. So the Scots have perfected oats so much that they use the spurtle of the title, the golden spurtle. And a spurtle is a wooden scottish kitchen tool that dates back from the 15th century, where it's shaped. So imagine a fat Harry Potter wanda, kind of with a thistle shape on the top for a handhold. And if you look it up, everybody.
But it's sort of like a stylized Harry Potter wand, but wider, but it narrows at the bottom. My immediate response was, no, that cannot be a good idea. But they argue that porridge can be stirred better without congealing and forming lumps, because when you use a spoon, you're dragging it through and you're grabbing clumps, and so you're making clumps when you stir it with a big spoon or a spatula.
[00:07:00] Speaker A: Oh.
[00:07:01] Speaker B: So they argue that you get better oats with the spurtle.
[00:07:04] Speaker A: Oh.
[00:07:04] Speaker B: The low surface area reduces the chances that the porridge is going to stick to the instrument. And so there you go. And they're. They're typically made from wood, and they come in a range of sizes. Traditional ones do have that thistle shape at the top. Modern ones often have a smooth taper. They're not quite as stylized, apparently. And the custom is that the spurtle should be used to stir in a clockwise direction with the right hand.
[00:07:31] Speaker A: Huh. Okay, so I was wrong. So when I typed spurtle into Google. I get something that looks like a wooden spatula, but your golden spurtel.
It's just a rod.
[00:07:41] Speaker B: It's just a rod. Yeah. Because that was mine, too. I'm like, that's not what the trophy looks like, because the trophy is literally looks like a gold spurtle shape. So it really is a wand shape or a rod shape.
[00:07:54] Speaker A: Yeah. Huh.
[00:07:56] Speaker B: It's got no broad surface at the bottom to scrape the bottom of your pot, so I'm assuming they're monitoring their temperature pretty closely.
[00:08:03] Speaker A: Huh. Wow. Oh, I'm looking at recipes. These look delicious. Okay, I'm sorry, I'm losing focus. Keep going.
[00:08:09] Speaker B: But like I said, the scottish traditional recipe, water, oats, and salt. So that's the competition. This is the exciting moment where I tell you how you can win what the golden spurtle challenge is and how you can win the award. Okay, are you ready, everybody?
[00:08:27] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:08:27] Speaker B: It started in 1994, so this is the 30th anniversary this year.
[00:08:32] Speaker A: Wow.
[00:08:32] Speaker B: And it's in fall in Scotland, so you could go this year.
[00:08:36] Speaker A: Ooh.
[00:08:37] Speaker B: But the main prize is the golden Spurtel trophy, and you get the title world porridge making champion for the best traditional porridge. And so they can only use oatmeal, water, and salt. There is a special prize for specialty porridge, and that can be made with additional ingredients. And so they've had savory oats before with bangers or black bean patties or. People get pretty creative in that category, it sounds like. I'm not sure I want to try either of those flavors, but I don't know. I'd like something with some pecans in it.
[00:09:12] Speaker A: I know I'm looking at their toffee apple porridge.
[00:09:15] Speaker B: Oh, I wouldn't say no to that.
[00:09:17] Speaker A: I would not either. It looks delightful, but. Okay, let's get back to the height of the competition, which is just the plain porridge.
[00:09:27] Speaker B: There must be an art to it because they have a whole competition based around this, and it takes place in the village of Carbridge in the Cairngorms National park in Scotland, and it's volunteer run by the Carbridge Community Council.
It also takes place right around the same time as world porridge day. But we'll talk about that more later. Cause that's an exciting development based on this.
[00:09:53] Speaker A: What?
[00:09:53] Speaker B: Yeah. It's become a whole thing.
[00:09:56] Speaker A: Wow.
And, like, if you've only got oatmeal, water, and salt, it must come down to technique, right? Or it may be what kind of oats you use, but. Huh.
[00:10:09] Speaker B: Yes. And the sponsors are oat manufacturers from the area, the hamlins of Scotland, perfect porridge in every way, have been a sponsor the whole time, as well as other sponsors. First, the first sponsors were hamelins, and they continue to this day. And the oatmeal of Alford and border oats were the original sponsors.
[00:10:31] Speaker A: Wow.
[00:10:32] Speaker B: So mark your calendars. Get your calendars out. Spring equinox is when entries begin. Summer solstice is when entries close. And this brings joy to my heart, because that's so practical. Thank you, Scotts.
You never have to guess. You just look at your calendar and you mark the spring equinox and the summer solstice, and then I'm not sure if the competition is on the same date every year. I'm guessing they pick a weekend, like the first Saturday in October or something. So this year it's the 5 October, and World Porridge Day is the 10 October. So stay a week and just have an oatmeal blast.
So this whole thing came about when a fellow named Roger Reed, he was a member of the. Oh, no. Where's that note? It says what he is. He's a member. Roger Reed was a member of the community council and the village tourist organization. He's walking his dog in the woods and thinking about how to promote the town. And this made me realize this is right, that other little villages have little championships like this, too. Like the thing, if you watch Father Brown and shows like that, village fetes with a competition, somebody dies. And there's no noted, there were no notes about deaths at this competition.
[00:11:48] Speaker A: So there's no oatmeal murder.
[00:11:50] Speaker B: Not yet. We could write that book. So he's like, what if we. And some of the competitions he cited us thinking about were conkers and tiddlywinks and marbles. And he decided on oats because the porridge is a scottish thing. And he's like, we could do this. And so he puttered down to the village restaurant and was chatting with Duncan Hilditch, who, by the way, Duncan is a highly awarded Golden Spurtel award winner.
[00:12:18] Speaker A: Uh huh.
[00:12:19] Speaker B: So Duncan and Roger, within about an hour, planned the whole thing. They figured out who could judge. They figured out the infrastructure, and they just. They're like, let's do it. High five. Let's go. So it was that simple. They're like, this is gonna be awesome. And it was.
[00:12:36] Speaker A: Huh. Okay, so now why do we call it oatmeal and they call it porridge?
[00:12:41] Speaker B: What I wonder is if porridge could have been with other grains initially. And so for by the time that we got it here in the US, it was a single grain.
[00:12:52] Speaker A: We're just like, it's oatmeal. And they're like, no, it could be any hot cereal.
[00:12:57] Speaker B: It's boringly that because oatmeal is what we commonly use for porridge here in the US.
[00:13:04] Speaker A: So, yeah, porridge could be any kind of hot cereal. Grain, legume, whatever.
[00:13:08] Speaker B: Yeah. So you could heat your muesli up and it would be porridge.
[00:13:11] Speaker A: Ah, okay.
[00:13:13] Speaker B: If I read this correctly.
[00:13:15] Speaker A: No, that sounds right.
[00:13:16] Speaker B: Yeah. So you can get crazy with your porridge. I wonder if they get crazy over there with the specialty kind and throw in some barley or something to give you a little crunch, maybe.
[00:13:26] Speaker A: Maybe. I don't know.
[00:13:27] Speaker B: Meanwhile, over in Carbridge, Roger and the team have been making oats for 30 years now. Competitively competitive oat making. And initially this was never for profit. And so it's just been a competition to build awareness of the village and have a good time. In 2009, they decided, though, that they were going to establish a international World Porridge Day. So that, again, that's 1010. Everybody. Mark your calendar for that and have your porridge. And now their competition raises money for Mary's meals. That's their selected charity. And that charity feeds children a fortified meal in some of the poorest communities. And they feed over 890,000 children across extreme countries. And so that's a great thing that. So you could be part of that if you go compete or visit the community.
I don't know that the World Porridge Day is all of those, but they now contribute to that and support it and promote it.
[00:14:29] Speaker A: Huh. Okay. But I'm thinking of being a judge.
[00:14:33] Speaker B: Are you going to be a celebrity judge? Cause that's a new thing for them and I love it.
[00:14:39] Speaker A: You're trying. I don't even know how many bowls, let's say 20 bowls of oats, water and just plain oatmeal. And I don't know if I have the strength.
[00:14:52] Speaker B: I. Yes, I was watching a cooking show and whatever they were eating, I just had this realization that that was just twelve bites of something and two bites of it for a lot of. I'm like, oh, boy, that was a lot of whatever that was.
[00:15:07] Speaker A: Right?
Cause I know if I make, you know. Cause I'm trying not to put sugar on the oatmeal. So it's just got a couple cranberries in there, it's got some nuts, maybe some yogurt. I mean, sometimes it's just boring and I can only imagine just plain oatmeal. Wow. I'd be like, okay, I need some of that specialty stuff. Get me some of that caramel apple.
[00:15:28] Speaker B: Yeah, it's fine. I'll try the haggis. Oats? Yeah, sure.
[00:15:32] Speaker A: Yeah. And savory. We've tried doing a couple of savory oatmeal things, and I can't get my head around it.
[00:15:42] Speaker B: I feel like it's the wrong texture, the way I eat it, at least, because I want it to cook a good while.
[00:15:50] Speaker A: Oh.
[00:15:51] Speaker B: And it becomes. It thickens itself. I cook it long enough that it thickens.
[00:15:55] Speaker A: Oh, I think you and Chaz would. You would come to blows. Because he likes it still. I mean, it's just, you know how some people like their meat so rare that it's still mooing? He likes his oats so oaty. There's still grass growing on the plains of.
[00:16:11] Speaker B: Yeah, I'm not. I wouldn't enjoy that.
[00:16:14] Speaker A: Yeah, it's chewy. You do sometimes. Cause he's made it for me, and it's like, I'm not full, but I can't chew anymore.
[00:16:23] Speaker B: Yes. Yeah. And I feel like you're gonna get more full throughout the day as those sit there and soak up whatever liquids in your stomach. It's like, you gotta be careful and not go crazy with those.
[00:16:35] Speaker A: Yeah. You kind of reverse haggis yourself. Yeah. It could happen.
[00:16:38] Speaker B: Yeah. I'd be worried about that. Yeah. And they must have some sort of tracking sheet, too, like creaminess. And how do you determine this is the ideal we're searching for? Because, again, between the three of us, we all eat our oats differently. You, me, and Chaz. Yeah, well, I think mine are claggier than yours.
[00:16:59] Speaker A: That may be, but see, it's got. But it probably has, like, a cultural standard. You know, we think it should be. That's this kind of thing. Thickness, this kind of doneness. There shouldn't be any water left. You know, nothing's. I mean, like. Yeah, there are definitely probably some judgy sort of things that get decided. Huh. Wow. Yeah.
[00:17:18] Speaker B: And I had a bowl of oats at a restaurant. Like a fancy little cutie, shabby, chic restaurant. And they were especially creamy and delicious. And so that kind of thing. Like, what level of creaminess have you achieved with just these three things?
[00:17:34] Speaker A: There is a place in Portland, Oregon, that makes oatmeal, except it's like cream brulee. So it's oatmeal, and it's got maple syrup in it, and they put sugar on the top, and then, like, brown it. So it's. Oh, it's. It's. It's like, this is not healthy anymore.
[00:17:53] Speaker B: No, no. You need a side of fruit with that. And it's dessert.
[00:17:58] Speaker A: It is so good.
[00:17:59] Speaker B: Cause there's probably, like, a float of butter underneath the sugar.
And here's your cream to dip it in.
[00:18:06] Speaker A: Oh, I know. We were there once, and, you know, the tables are really close to each other. Cause it's this little, tiny place. And chaz is like, I'll have the chicken fried steak and the hash browns and the da da da, you know, all this stuff. And I'm like, I'm gonna have the cream brulee oatmeal. No banana, please. And the lady next to me looks over, and she. I can see her mouth to her companion oatmeal. And then it arrived, and she was like, oh, smell.
[00:18:30] Speaker B: And, oh, yeah, I have to cook myself some good oats sometime soon.
[00:18:36] Speaker A: Yeah. Now I kind of want that for dinner. Yay. Good job.
[00:18:39] Speaker B: I know. If nobody's up there cooking when I get done, I'm not making them dinner. I'm making me oatmeal, and I'm going to stir it in the butter. Oh, yeah. And we're going to find the torch.
Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. But it's worth looking for. So that is the golden Spurtel world porridge championship.
[00:18:57] Speaker A: Wow. I love that there's all these different competitions that we don't, you know, you don't know about. And then I kind of want to.
[00:19:04] Speaker B: Live in a village in the UK 100%.
[00:19:08] Speaker A: I am a europhile to the core.
[00:19:11] Speaker B: But we have to pick the right village fet that we want to be a part of. That's how we choose where we live.
[00:19:17] Speaker A: Yeah. It's like, oh, I'm sorry. Do you have a cake festival? Yes, please sign me up.
[00:19:22] Speaker B: Yeah. How do you get to be a giant for that?
[00:19:25] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. Victoria's sponge. I'll try that all day long.
[00:19:31] Speaker B: I would love to try a beautiful Battenberg.
[00:19:34] Speaker A: Oh, okay. Okay. See, if there's a competition, we'll have to go someday.
[00:19:42] Speaker B: Yep. So that's the exciting world of Oat championships. Wow.
[00:19:46] Speaker A: You know, when this comes out, I'll listen to it while I eat breakfast.
[00:19:51] Speaker B: I'll get you some porridge.
[00:19:52] Speaker A: Well, that was delicious. Thank you.
[00:19:54] Speaker B: Mm hmm.
[00:19:55] Speaker A: Well, if you'd like to hear more episodes, if you. Well, honestly, let's see, this was. Well, however long it's going to be. It's perfectly long enough that you. You're now sitting down to have your oatmeal. Ask your smart speaker to play some more brain junk podcast. You're already there. Ask for another episode. Hit up the Merch store. We have a link tree everywhere on Instagram, Facebook, so you can, you know, jump around and check out stuff. And Amy and I will catch you next time when we share more of everything you never knew you wanted to know, and I guarantee you will not be bored.
